Poems from Memoirs of the Beautifully Insane....

 

Inebriated

 

I am inebriated by you.

Slurring my syllables

Staggering over my similes

Tripping over my tongue

Swaying from side to side over your smile.

 

Head spinning from your ‘hey baby’

Dizzy over your ‘I Love You’

If I had to walk upon a straight line

To keep from being arrested,

I would gladly surrender

Than to ever lose this feeling.

 

You have me inebriated.

I want to take my next shot of you

And send the chemical imbalance

Straight to my brain

Causing me to lose all sense

Of my surroundings.

Having not a clue as to my whereabouts

Because I am lost within you.

 

Got me creating my own words

To describe you

To describe my love for you

To comprehend your love for me

Yet every time I think I’m getting close

You order me another round of drinks.

 

Without hesitation, I gladly drink.

I love the buzz you have me feeling.

I love the way you have me inebriated.

 

 

 

The Anniversary

 

A year ago today,

My very first love passed away.

I will never forget the text message received,

Telling me you were gone like a gentle breeze.

Granny, why did you have to go away?

I cry and cry wishing you could have stayed.

Wishing we had more time,

To talk and laugh

But now you’re gone,

And I’m walking on this path all alone.

I can’t see you get up and dance

To one of your favorite songs like you use to

I can’t hug you or sit on your lap,

I can’t kiss on you and inhale the scent of your perfume

Or hear all the nicknames you have for each of us.

 

January 6, 2009

Is a day that will forever be etched into my mind

Because that is when I had to say goodbye.

There’s an agonizing pain

I feel in my heart

That runs deep through my veins.

I feel like I’m on the edge of a breakdown

About to fall deep into a bout of sadness…or worse depression.

Not sure how to stop it.

Not sure how to handle it.

Not sure if I even want to.

Thinking I should just go hide

In a dark place where no one can see me

Where no one can bother me

Or try to bring me out of it.

 

I want to scream at the top of my lungs

Why?

Why did you have to be taken from me in this way?

Why?

Why couldn’t you get well and stay?

Stay with me longer?

Laugh with me longer?

Hug me a little longer?

Dance with me longer?

Why?

Why did you have to go this way?

 

In the midst of my grief,

In the midst of my pain,

In the midst of my hurting,

In the midst of my mourning,

I receive some comfort in knowing

Knowing that you’re not hurting anymore,

Knowing you can laugh and dance more,

Knowing you are reunited with your Mom, Dad, Aunt Eva Mae, Uncle Bundt and more

Knowing that you are my angel watching over me.

Those are the things that let me

Hold onto my sanity

Until we meet again

I keep the fond and loving

Memories of you in and close to my heart

I love you, Granny.

 

Rest. In. Peace.

 

 

 

Still Fighting

 

The storm is getting bigger                                                                     

The waves are crashing violently against the rocks                                           

The boat is rocky and about to tip over                                                            

I’m still fighting

 

The waves are getting higher                                                                               

I feel like they are about to overtake me                                                               

The boat is starting to leak                                                                                  

I’m still fighting

 

My strength is getting weak                                                                          

My faith is getting weak                                                                               

I’m still fighting

 

I want to give up                                                                                           

I want to just throw in the towel                                                                   

 I want to be in a better place                                                                        

I’m still fighting

 

Tears are trying to drown me                                                                         

The devil is trying to get the best of me                                              

Wondering why does this keep happening                                                 

What am I doing wrong                                                                                     

I’m still fighting

 

Thankful for the blessings in the midst of the storm                                

Thankful for the strength that I didn’t think I still had                       

Thankful for the faith that keeps pushing me through                               

I’m still fighting

 

When will this storm end                                                                             

When will I see the sunshine again                                                              

When will the darkness of night                                                                   

Turn into the light of day                                                                           

I’m still fighting

 

Praying for understanding                                                                           

Praying for a miracle                                                                                  

Praying for a bountiful blessing                                                                            

I’m still fighting

 

Asking for continued patience                                                                       

Begging for His mercy                                                                                 

Hoping that something gives soon                                                                       

I’m still fighting

 

Lord, when will You come to my rescue                                                              

Lord, when will You save me from this sinking ship                                      

Lord, when will You give me what I need                                                      

To get out of this pile of quicksand                                                                

 To get back on solid ground                                                                            

I’m still fighting

 

Lord, I believe in You                                                                                   

I know You didn’t bring me to this place                                                      

To walk away now                                                                                   

You rescued me before                                                                                  

Please give me the patience to hold on                                                         

Please give me the strength to stand strong                                             

 I’m not giving up                                                                                                

I’m still fighting