Poems from Memoirs of the Beautifully Insane....
Inebriated
I am inebriated by you.
Slurring my syllables
Staggering over my similes
Tripping over my tongue
Swaying from side to side over your smile.
Head spinning from your ‘hey baby’
Dizzy over your ‘I Love You’
If I had to walk upon a straight line
To keep from being arrested,
I would gladly surrender
Than to ever lose this feeling.
You have me inebriated.
I want to take my next shot of you
And send the chemical imbalance
Straight to my brain
Causing me to lose all sense
Of my surroundings.
Having not a clue as to my whereabouts
Because I am lost within you.
Got me creating my own words
To describe you
To describe my love for you
To comprehend your love for me
Yet every time I think I’m getting close
You order me another round of drinks.
Without hesitation, I gladly drink.
I love the buzz you have me feeling.
I love the way you have me inebriated.
The Anniversary
A year ago today,
My very first love passed away.
I will never forget the text message received,
Telling me you were gone like a gentle breeze.
Granny, why did you have to go away?
I cry and cry wishing you could have stayed.
Wishing we had more time,
To talk and laugh
But now you’re gone,
And I’m walking on this path all alone.
I can’t see you get up and dance
To one of your favorite songs like you use to
I can’t hug you or sit on your lap,
I can’t kiss on you and inhale the scent of your perfume
Or hear all the nicknames you have for each of us.
January 6, 2009
Is a day that will forever be etched into my mind
Because that is when I had to say goodbye.
There’s an agonizing pain
I feel in my heart
That runs deep through my veins.
I feel like I’m on the edge of a breakdown
About to fall deep into a bout of sadness…or worse depression.
Not sure how to stop it.
Not sure how to handle it.
Not sure if I even want to.
Thinking I should just go hide
In a dark place where no one can see me
Where no one can bother me
Or try to bring me out of it.
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
Why?
Why did you have to be taken from me in this way?
Why?
Why couldn’t you get well and stay?
Stay with me longer?
Laugh with me longer?
Hug me a little longer?
Dance with me longer?
Why?
Why did you have to go this way?
In the midst of my grief,
In the midst of my pain,
In the midst of my hurting,
In the midst of my mourning,
I receive some comfort in knowing
Knowing that you’re not hurting anymore,
Knowing you can laugh and dance more,
Knowing you are reunited with your Mom, Dad, Aunt Eva Mae, Uncle Bundt and more
Knowing that you are my angel watching over me.
Those are the things that let me
Hold onto my sanity
Until we meet again
I keep the fond and loving
Memories of you in and close to my heart
I love you, Granny.
Rest. In. Peace.
Still Fighting
The storm is getting bigger
The waves are crashing violently against the rocks
The boat is rocky and about to tip over
I’m still fighting
The waves are getting higher
I feel like they are about to overtake me
The boat is starting to leak
I’m still fighting
My strength is getting weak
My faith is getting weak
I’m still fighting
I want to give up
I want to just throw in the towel
I want to be in a better place
I’m still fighting
Tears are trying to drown me
The devil is trying to get the best of me
Wondering why does this keep happening
What am I doing wrong
I’m still fighting
Thankful for the blessings in the midst of the storm
Thankful for the strength that I didn’t think I still had
Thankful for the faith that keeps pushing me through
I’m still fighting
When will this storm end
When will I see the sunshine again
When will the darkness of night
Turn into the light of day
I’m still fighting
Praying for understanding
Praying for a miracle
Praying for a bountiful blessing
I’m still fighting
Asking for continued patience
Begging for His mercy
Hoping that something gives soon
I’m still fighting
Lord, when will You come to my rescue
Lord, when will You save me from this sinking ship
Lord, when will You give me what I need
To get out of this pile of quicksand
To get back on solid ground
I’m still fighting
Lord, I believe in You
I know You didn’t bring me to this place
To walk away now
You rescued me before
Please give me the patience to hold on
Please give me the strength to stand strong
I’m not giving up
I’m still fighting